I can now add songbird to my tiny charge’s repertoire of gifts and talents…and it is not just the beautiful voice  (I am quite sure he has perfect pitch) that keeps listeners spellbound – it is the lyrical genius. Truly his creativity seems to know no bounds – from impromptu songs about zebra families to classics like ‘dinosaurs and donuts’ the more you hear the more you want.

In order to make our daily commute to and from school each day more productive I have begun teaching my charge about the various meanings behind traffic colors…

Red means STOP!

Yellow means slooooooooooooooow down

Green means GO!

Orange means caution

This has led to a barrage of inevitably enthusiastic shouts from the backseat throughout our car ride helping me to identify traffic light signals. While I usually find this kind of driving assistance helpful in the case of the ear drum shattering decibel in which the updates are relayed the news of a changing light can in fact be quite unsettling and I fear could lead to an eventual orange-type situation. I am not complaining mind you – it is a vast improvement over the verbal labeling that went on a few months ago (see entry My Tiny Brother P-Touch from March 2011).

With Texas’ Dada and uncle being football fanatics it was inevitable that my tiny charge be enamored with the sport. However, I was not prepared for the 2-year old level of participation televised football. It is amazing that I can leave him in the charge of his uncle and Dada and he will literally sit on the couch and watch almost an entire football game with them! He of course chatters constantly ‘he drop football…kick football…catch football….touchdown!’ and amazingly he is usually describing actual events that are happening in the game. The downside is that during a single quarter the child will say the word football no less than 673 times but as long as the guys can deal with it – they have a football watching sidekick! And I can relax, run an errand, take a nap, the possibilities are endless!

A few weeks ago my mother went out-of-town and we kept her deaf, elderly dog with a tiny bladder at our house. While my tiny charge is familiar with Pappy (said dog’s name) at his Mimi’s house him being a weekend long – overnight visitor at our house was something new. Texas and the animals of the house have a kind of silent understanding – with our dog Buster the understanding is that you don’t try to ride me and I will get all your table scraps – with the two cats the understanding is more tedious but usually amounts to – don’t sit on us or pull our tails and we will occasionally let you touch us and will refrain from scratching or biting you (the same cannot be said about their arrangement with Z). So with the introduction of Pappy for a long weekend the whole balance of usual agreements was thrown into a tailspin…Buster demanded more attention than normal – the cats found it amusing to watch him from their couch-perches and Texas – well he found that the same rules do not apply to big dogs and little dogs.

While Buster allows for a certain level of pushing and nudging – smaller Pappy like all small dogs has to be less accommodating less he get squished or break a leg in the scuffle – this eventually led to the inevitable conversation with my tiny tot about being careful with things that are smaller than we are. The conversation went something like this…

Me: Oh no Texas!  You have to be very gentle with Pappy – he is smaller than you are

Texas: little?

Me: Yes, he is little and it is our jobs to protect things that are littler than we are and keep them safe.

Texas: I’m little (at this point he batted his eye lashes and crawled into my lap looking very adorable and defenseless)

Me: Yes, that is why mommy keeps you safe and won’t let anything hurt you.

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It has come to my attention that I say ‘I got you’ quite a bit….once I started realizing the frequency it began to make sense that my tiny charge usually follows ‘I love you mama’ with ‘I got you mama’. This is most likely the most adorable thing that has ever happened on the face of the earth and I am sorry that the rest of you are not privy to it on a daily basis. In the meantime, just realize that I’ve got my tiny charge and he has got me and all is well.

I was traveling last week and upon my return not only could my tiny charge miraculously tell me the month’s of the year (in order) but he had begun to call me ‘Mommy my Princess’. Now honestly, I was so stoked about my prodigy learning the months that I was glowing – it was almost too much to then be crowned his princess. It is these moments that make all the tantrums and irrational conversations about why it is important to wear TWO shoes melt away.

Of course by the next morning he had crowned himself the princess and was once again wearing a single shoe and insisting on gold fish for breakfast ……

Yesterday was my best friend’s birthday – I prepped my tiny charge for the days preceding with the fact that it was going to be Auntie Yissa’s birthday and we would go to her party and sing her a song. Much to his glee I allowed him to pick out his own card to give her – I must say, he did not disappoint – covered in glitter with mermaids and dolphins wearing party hats it was one tricked-out card. The problem was getting him to relinquish it once he had ‘signed’ it. At long last after several hours of swimming and dinner it was time to open the gifts and sing the song we had been practicing – what did my little love bug do? Upon seeing ‘his’ card opened he quickly snatched it out of her hands and announced it was his card – he slept with it last night.

So, I have waited for over 2-years for my tiny charge to become a rational being – capable of understanding and carrying on a logical dialogue. The time has come and now I am not so sure I am ready for it. This morning, after two previous days of antibiotic battles – he noticed the dreaded elixir sitting on the counter next to his beloved grape-flavored children’s Tylenol – he studied both bottles for some time and then turned to me (while pointing at the antibiotic bottle) and said ‘No like taste medicine – ewwwwww’ and then very logically reached for the bottle of grape-flavored medicine and began pulling it towards himself. Now – I would have thought that this moment would come with a flood of overwhelming joy – he has had an issue – he has identified the root of the problem – he has rationally explained his seemingly erratic behavior and presented what in his mind is a logical compromise – unfortunately – he has to finish his course of antibiotics. And it begins the years of explaining why safety is important and why you must have a curfew and why we cannot eat pizza every night. I will never be the parent who says ‘because I said so’ – wouldn’t it be easy if I would!?

Until about 5:43 pm on Friday, July 29th I believed whole-heartedly that the ‘terrible twos’ were simply an old wives tale designed to scare parents into avoiding future reproduction efforts after having successfully hatching a single offspring. As of 5:44 pm on Friday, July 29th I am a believer. My tiny charge within a matter of minutes went from a bundle of giggles and the occasional limit tester to something that can make me bend time and space to avoid exploding with frustration. This little angel I have snuggled and done the hokey pokey with for 2-years suddenly pours his medicine on the floor and laughs about it and refuses to walk on his own in the middle of a crowded office lobby.

I will concede that he has an ear infection and I pray that his neurosis is temporary and will run its course with the same antibiotics that covered the floor and his new school uniform this morning. In the meantime, Z and I have worked out  intricate code words and hand gestures to use in order to avoid using profanity or throwing our own temper tantrums. If you happen to see us out and we are wildly pulling on our ears, tapping our tummies or jumping on one foot while repeating the word – ‘squirrel ‘ or ‘Primacare’ over and over  – you will know why – just walk on by and we will try and make sure he is down for the night next time you come over 🙂